my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
