oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
