Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
