Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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