in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that's an acceptable place to lick
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
