If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
