NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
