There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
