Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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