I'm eating all of the evidence.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
