oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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