Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
