Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
