I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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