You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
