eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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