I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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