I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I understand Curling. That high.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
