She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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