you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
