Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
