all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
