i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
