yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
