If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
