Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
