I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
