i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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