Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
