That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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