I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think i have herpe
just one?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize