so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
