mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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