it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
