On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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