College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
