I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
