I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
