i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
