please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
