Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize