Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
