FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
