Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
