I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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