There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
