Non-Jews are for practice
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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