if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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