She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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