I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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