I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
