when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
