the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
