how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
