Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
