I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
