Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is my gift to your gina
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
