I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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