I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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