So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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