i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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