Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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