Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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