Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
